Back to Reality

Back in Singapore, 3 months of homemaker life in USA. Wanted very much to do more in USA but somehow I just let time slip as usual. Many asked me, did I enjoy myself there? I would not say no but I would not say yes very much too. I do not know the answer in fact, what I can say is, it was a different experience and I think it is good in shaping my thoughts. :)

Different environment, lifestyle, and culture. Feel that one should be more dynamic and who care what will be like next, treasure now and just plan for future when possible.

Yesterday hubby asks me did I regret marrying him because many of my friends around me seem to marry well-off hubby... Well how to answer that? I am human, and am a human with greed. I do envy them, but I have been more truthfully this time... I answered: "Its not you that I regret marrying, it’s your family that make me regret marrying into."

I remember the two events in USA when he loss his temper and walkout on Estella and me. I remember how I tears because of all the unhappy memories his family have left in me during my supposedly one of the happiest period before marriage life start.

We do Love and We do Quarrel

Dear, u always said u love me. Actually, I know and I feel it, but why do we always quarrel? I pause and think; mainly two things, our temper and lifestyle (as in expectation for tidiness and way for certain things done) are quite different. Maybe like what you said we grew up in different environment/family setting. No wonder people said to be in relationship and live together and to be in love is really very different. I think that is why Courtship is always better.

You stand a very important part in my life too, I felt this strongly when I last touch down in Singapore during the last US trip back alone (Sep 2011). That evening when Estella keep asking me “Where is Daddy? Why isn’t he back with me?” That makes me feel so sad and surer that I want to bring her here to join you. I thank you for making it possible and enjoyable for both Estella and me to stay here. I guess it will form part of the best memories for us in future.

Whenever I look back on the road trips pictures, I just feel it is amazing to be here and able to travel so much, without you putting all these together for us it will not be possible. THANK YOU and LOVE YOU very much too.

Dwelling Mood Again

This is the first time I am not spending my CNY in Singapore with my family.

Not sure if its consider Happy or Miss home, because both feeling exist.

For once I need not quarrel and face certain unhappiness whenever CNY with my partner.

Miss my mum and little girl though.. Anyway that's life, one good never best of all world.

Today I see pictures again, I sort of got upset with myself over and over again for things that I miss, things that I have no courage to pursude.. Haise.. Guess not enough sleep and think too much.. Dwell in the past. Have been reminding myself to look forward for a better future. What's pass is gone for now, what's in future is now awaiting for me to go get it and treasure..

To be realistic, stop dreaming... But here in States I learn something... Dream can help a normal man achieve great things. ( e.g. Waltz Disney and Martin Luther King ) Chinese have a proverb : 人因梦想而伟大。Now I believe in this more then anything...

1) Waltz Disney built his dream kingdom because he have a dream...

2) Martin Luther King: "I have a dream... I dream that one day my 4 children will grow up in a nation where they will not be judge by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..."