Relation with In-Law

Before marriage I didn’t really understand why it is so difficult.
Near to marriage I get a taste of it.
I dun know what it is going to be like after marriage.

Last night was not a great night out with his family. We both got ignored by his mum. His father was okay, still speak to us as per normal and his elder brother was as friendly as before.

Event:
1) I greeted them upon arrival but only his father reply with a smile. (It could be she didn’t hear me)

2) No matter what my hubby ask, sense that his mum dun really feel like replying. (I tell myself it could be because she is really tired after the whole day walking with his dad)

3) I called her with light pad on her hand to catch her attention twice, wanted to ask her if the ‘old Chinese’ coin found on the floor belong to anyone, she doesn’t really reply me. (I try to ignore the cold shoulder given, just behave like normal)

4) For the whole evening when seat at the table, she doesn’t want to face me nor talk to me. (I try not to think, not to feel soar, just follow my hubby around and act blur for this cold shoulder treatment)

5) My hubby keeps pushing me to talk to his mum, ask me to help her with taking some drinks. I coax myself make it a peaceful night out for my hubby with his family, within me, I’m not willing to ask anymore but with a thought for my hubby’s feeling, I still do as he requested. I was rejected once again.

It’s really all about family; the pre-event:
For example:
1) Your own child no matter how rude, or bad their temper is the parent will understand and tolerate it. If it is your future son / daughter-in-law the story will be different L

2) When I make certain remarks, it is really not towards that particular person (purely objective not subjective). Moreover I didn’t really know who did it; I thought it was my hubby. I try to control my temper towards all others, except when in my own house, towards my mum and hubby, but I have not fully mastered that.

3) Being in a position when your hubby asks you to treat his elder brother like a kid, I tend to said things like what I normally will to a kid. In the end it was mistaken as I am not welcoming them.

I dun want to put my hubby in a difficult position, I knew it was never easy for another outsider to enter a family, esp. when I myself is not good with emotion and temper control.

I tried to be good when with them but things just dun seem to work the way I want it to be. Although I try to pre-empt things like try not to stay under one roof, so that I can control and behave much better when with his family.

I am upset by this, but I think slowly I will learn…
1) Dun expect by being their half son/daughter you can behave like a child with your own parent or your hubby. (In-Laws deem it differently, dun expect them to be as tolerance as your parent or hubby toward you)

2) I have pre-empt this and told my hubby before, that’s why I chose to have our own place rather then stay with in-laws (although certain things still went wrong; really beyond what I can pre-empt). But I should be glad that at least we are not under one roof else it will make my day at home look bad.

3) I have pre-empted this situation too and talk to my hubby about it before, but I am still not careful enough in handling this matter. My hubby use to tell me: “He is alright and easy to be with, just treat him like a kid.” But when I really treat him like a kid and coax him to go home, all the adults around me think that I am wrong. I guess this I can only learn via the hard way if I really want to make thing work.